SMART WOMEN: PINK THINK

Designers Have Spoken: Long Bangs for Fall
Who Tells You How To Look?

“Long, into the eyes,” said the stylist showing off his version of this season’s new hairdos on a morning talk show. The man with short hair that was not in his eyes, admitted that the bangs would be a little irritating to live with every day. But, he insisted with a dismissive hand wave, it looks great.

Once again, fashion is telling women that they should invest themselves in something (in this case, a haircut) that distracts from their lives. Worse yet, but not unexpected, the stylist isn’t even practicing what he preaches – probably because even he knows how impractical his hairstyle is.

I put this type of arrogance into the same category with designers who hire anorexic models to show off their clothes. They justify their actions by telling us that “Fashion is about fantasy.” In whose depraved fantasy are women almost-invisible stick figures who can’t see? Only a perverse one, you can be sure.

Recently, Spain banned those sad, emaciated creatures from the runway. All models must pass minimum body fat standards to be in design shows. That means a full ten (or more!) pounds heavier than the average model. And, believe it or not, that heavier weight is still 10-15 pounds less than that of the average, healthy-weight woman.

Every woman is WAY MORE than the size of her breasts or dress size and the length of her bangs. As women, we must focus on that MORE – more smarts, more organizational ability, more common sense – and make those our new standards. When we downplay our best qualities, we denigrate the work we do, both in and outside the home, with ourselves, our career, our parents, our children and our home.

Let’s never forget fashion’s fantasy is really about money. Most of it is created by people whose only interests are making a name for themselves and making more money. As long as we are buying the shtick of the fashion (and diet) world, they’ll keep putting it out there. When we STOP BUYING, they’ll stop selling. Only then will fashion think about designing for real women.

©Copyright Annmarie Kelly. 2006. All Rights Reserved. If you wish to use anything from this newsletter, you need to get written permission. Call 610.738.8225 or email to info@victoriouswoman.com

SMART WOMEN: STEPPING UP TO VICTORY

SUCCESSFUL GOALSETTING

My August 30 blog talked about a new exercise program that required a 7-day back-to-back commitment. I prepared to do it on vacation, and started the day after I got to Maine.

However, the day after that blog posted, as I started that day's exercise, I had a really negative reaction. My muscles hurt so much that I felt angry and started to cry. Left to my own devices, I would have quit that day. Fortunately, my spouse (who I asked to be my buddy for this), encouraged and cajoled me into continuing. I did. Then, I finished the 7-day program and moved onto the next phase.

In the whole scheme of goal achievement, those "ready to quit" feelings are common. When we set a goal for ourselves, we agree to push out of our comfort zone. Anytime we do, we are likely to have feelings about giving up - even when we see good results. I was already noticing a positive difference in my posture and I felt really good after the 45-minute session was over. Yet the temptation to stop was amazingly strong.

In my teleclasses, I help women prepare for the quitting stage. We discuss potential obstacles and devise systems that help them get over and through the tough stuff. You are welcome to join the next one, Victory 101: What Your Momma Never Told You But Wishes She Had, starting September 18. For information, info@victoriouswoman.com.

For more tips, sign up for my free e-newsletter at http://www.victoriouswoman.com/newsletter.htm.

Copyright Annmarie Kelly 2006. All Rights Reserved.

SMART WOMEN: MUZZLED

Who is Shaping Your Self-Image?

Last night I watched a DVD called Mona Lisa Smile with Julia Roberts. I didn't see it when it was in the theater because it got such a terrible reviews. Now I understand why.

Mona Lisa Smile is not your standard "women's movie" or "chick flick." The women don't kill themselves, have abortions, get raped or seek violent revenge on some dog of a guy. In fact, when a newlywed finds herself being cheated on by her new husband of barely a month, she divorces him (something seldom done back then) - much to the chagrin of her mother, who would have preferred that her daughter "make an arrangement" and live with the infidelity.

Mona Lisa Smile's characters are students at a prestigious women's college in 1953. The catalyst is an independent-thinking new teacher who challenges her programmed-to-be-wives students to think independently and be strong. She wasn't well-liked by the faculty...Cheez, what a surprise...

For a historical perspective, 1953 was a time when most women didn't go to college. The well-to-do sent their daughters to college so they would be better prepared to be good wives (thus references to degrees being called an "MRS" degree). If they didn't go to college, they went to finishing school - I'm guessing it was to finish off any non-subservient or non-submissive thoughts they might still have before marriage.

In college and finishing school, young women read books that would expand their minds so they could make better conversation at dinner parties. They learned etiquette and how to be socially adept. All of it so that they would be an asset to their husband's careers.

In contrast, the teacher in Mona Lisa Smile convinces one brilliant student to apply for law school and she gets accepted - early acceptance, no less. It upsets her fiance. An interesting conversation between the teacher and fiance show him thanking the teacher for what she did for his girlfriend. "She'll always have that," he says. When the teacher questions what he means, the fiance explains that he'll be in school in Philadelphia and how could his wife be at school in another state "and still have dinner on the table at five o'clock?"

The part of this movie that I find most striking is not the difference between today and 1953, but the similarities. While it's true that more women are attending college than men and getting married later, they seem to be facing the same challenges as their mothers and grandmothers. It seems that too many women still see themselves, college-educated or not, as secondary partners in marital relationships. So do the men.

Kathy and Toni, two of the women in my book, Victorious Woman! (www.victoriouswoman.com) didn't go to college because their fathers couldn't see the sense of it. After all, according to them, why have a college degree just to get married and have children.

More recently, an brilliant intern who worked with me for a while admitted that sometimes she "dumbs down" to get a guy to ask her out. Another intern told me that most of her friends plan to work a while, maybe even have a career, but quit when they have children because it's too hard to do both.

What we, as a society, seem not to want to learn is that being a strong women who can take care of herself leads to attracting a man who can work as a partner in a relationship. Interdependence between couples is key. It isn't something that our culture applauds or our media likes to focus on (because it doesn't sell product like diet aids).

However, as long as movies like If These Walls Could Talk (the highest watched HBO movie), Thelma and Louise, Waiting to Exhale (all about women as victims) and other, more recent movies continue to be the standard, and as long as a strong man is considered powerful while a strong woman is considered a bitch, I don't know that the paradigm will shift. And that, my friends, will be a shame for all of us - men, women and children.

What do you think?